Today I’ve decided to lose a best friend. I’ve had this friend since 1994, which is when we met. Me and her actually grew close enough to start dating in 1996 and we didn’t really break up until 2001- 2002′ish (on and off).

We’ve always been best friends at heart, no matter what. She was a beautiful person inside and out and had alot going for her. She never met a person that didn’t like her…she had one of the greatest personalities I’ve ever seen (unlike other girls I’ve been dated! ;))

The problem is - she, like so many others in Southern Cali, turned to Drugs for happiness and “fun”. My Best Friend, along with many of my closest friends, became addicted to Speed aka Meth aka Tweek aka “sh!t”. The first time I heard about it (around april of 2002) I thought “no big deal… she’ll get past it.”

Unfortunately, I was wrong. The addiction is still going on… but when I first seen her since hearing about the addiction in the Summer of 2002 (I was visiting from Texas) I could actually “see it”. You could see it in her eyes, her skin, her attitude and the way she talked. The grinding of the teeth, picking at skin, etc. It was just disgusting. I couldn’t even stand being near her at the time. Everybody that had become addicted to it continued to try to contact me to hang out and kick it.

I eventually hung out with everyone atleast once but damn it was tough. I absolutely HATED seeing what the drug had done to everybody I cared about. Within one year it seemed that I had no more normal friends… so many in the past had became strung out on one drug or another but these were my closest friends. These were the people I NEEDED to see. Now they had become people I could not stand to see..

…It was like being in a nightmare.

Zombies… exactly what these people (my old friends) reminded me of. They walked around and could barely remember what they were doing now because their minds were going out of control. And these were my best friends… the only reason I had stayed in California for all of those years.

Almost every day of my life for approximately 6 years were spent with this girl, my best friend. There was hardly a day that went by that I didn’t speak to her. Even during the worst times of our relationship - we still continued to talk. Most of my favorite memories in life were spent with her. We had so many fun times in life and those memories will never be forgotten.

But unfortunately, now I’ve decided to give up. I feel like I can’t continue to worry about people that don’t care about me or my opinions or even their own families opinions.

It’s really hard to imagine I’ll never see that person again…basically like they’re dead. I hate to talk like that but they act like it. There’s so many people in this world that are struggling to live…then there’s those that are pushing death. I would rather tend to those who are struggling to live… those like My Uncle who’s currently dying of Cancer and might not be here tomorrow.

I don’t feel like I’ve wasted time but I do feel like I’ve wasted my breath.

Hopefully people wake up and realize what life gives them…

Don’t get me wrong - if she cleans up and seems to be sober and “eyes-open” to life, I’d love to keep her as a friend. But my confidence is wearing thin on people lately.